How to Survive a Break-Up
When I went through my first break-up I was surprised that I got along so well – my past self hadn’t been very good at handling heartache. So when I was going through my first break-up I immediately took action in order to get through the pain as unscathed as I could. This worked out very good for me. After a relatively short period of time I had gotten back to my normal emotional state.
This doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel any pain. It just means that I got through most of the pain relatively quickly.
Now, there are many different types of break-ups. There’s a difference whether you broke up or your partner. Also, there are soft and hard break-ups. Some relationships end in friendships, others in hatred.
This article is dedicated to the sad break-up from a beautiful relationship but without a lot of anger, hatred or other negative feelings towards the relationship partner.
So, what’s the secret?
1) Cry
Feel the pain and cry if you feel like crying. Accept the pain. The earlier the better. Let it flow out of your system. Break-ups and goodbyes are sad. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t feel the pain for a few days. Think of every tear as a carrier of pain. It’s good to get these out.
2) Take some time off
If it’s possible remove yourself from your current life situation a few days. Travel to your family, visit friends. Your all day life will only keep remembering you of what you’re missing.
3) Talk to your friends and family
Tell everybody who loves you about it. They will support you, listen to you, distract you and cheer you up. Talking about it to many people will make you more ready to let it go. If possible, fully immerse yourself into your social network a few days. Your friends will fill the emptiness you’re feeling with love and understanding.
4) Distract yourself
After a few days of wallowing in your pain and getting pampered by your friends, it’s time for the next step. Focusing on your heartache forever will not help you. That’s why the next best thing you can do after the initial grieving phase is to look for things to distract you and make you feel good and laugh again. The internet is treasure chest of distraction! Check out new indie games, read random articles on Wikipedia, watch full-length movies on youtube, find new bands on bandcamp.com. Find things that interested you and excite you. Move your mind and your heart into a new direction.
5) Go back to your life
After a few days of distraction, try to transition back into your life. Don’t see this move as a “backwards” though. You’re not living your old life in a worse version (without your significant other), you’re living a new life (where there’s maybe a place for somebody new).
This works best when you actually HAVE a life. At best one that excites you and that you love. If you love your work, toss yourself into piles of work. If you have other commitments that you’re excited about (for example if you’re member of a sports club or do voluntary work), embrace them. Maybe your personal life needs a renovation anyway. Re-decorate your home, resurrect an old hobby, grant yourself a wish.
6) See the break-up as what it is
What is a break-up, anyway? It’s nothing bad per se. If it came from a conscious decision it’s probably something good! And if not, it’s probably something neutral. Just another choice. A break-up will not destroy your life – because you’re the one creating your life at any time. With a break-up you’re making space for something or somebody new to come. You’re actually gaining space to attract an even more desirable life!
7) Keep loving and keep believing in love
Losing a loved one may feel so hard that you don’t think you can ever love somebody else like that. Maybe you lost your first love. Maybe you lost your most intense love. Instead of crying about what’s lost, appreciate what you had and gained. You probably had the most wonderful moments together, you learned a lot about yourself, you became a better person, you gained the most valuable memories. Many people never experience what you did! You’re a lucky bastard!
If you have any resentments towards your ex, be prepared to forgive him or her. The sooner you can forgive the easier it will become for you.
There’s no need to stop loving your ex girlfriend or boyfriend. In fact I prefer loving people forever. It feels so good – why would I stop? Loving someone doesn’t mean that you have spend time with them. Love means you accept someone for who s/he is. Although it might feel sad to let someone go who you love, it will also feel good – because you will feel the love that comes with accepting someone’s decision and free will.
Know that if you’ve created a beautiful relationship like that, you’re able to create another one anytime. Also, don’t forget that you can be single and happy.
Healing
Although you might get over the initial pain relatively quickly, the whole healing process will probably take longer. There are many techniques that can help you with letting go of the negative feelings that will arise. One method I regularly use is the release technique. Don’t try to release everything it once. Just keep releasing regularly and you will automatically let go of the thoughts and feelings that you’re ready to leave behind.
Listen to your intuition
No matter what you do, keep listening to your intuition. It will have the best answers for you and tell you how to move on. It will tell you when it’s time to forgive, when it’s time to care for and nurture yourself and when it’s time to take action again.
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Apparently my comment was too short. :p
Nah, it was just not good enough. :p
This is a very good article. I am sorry that you had to go through a brakeup but these things are like having dental work done because we know that we will have to do it sooner or later. I have had a few painful ones myself. I think one important thing to think about is the feeling of failure or not being good enough for the other person. That can really hurt and that’s where friends can help the most by showing you that you are just fine in their eyes.
The break up wasn’t really that bad. But thank you for your empathy!
“because we know that we will have to do it sooner or later.”
It can be problematic if you’re not sure whether you need to do it or not. Luckily I was guided by intuition and became more and more secure about my decision over time.